~life in comic sans~

Lonely People

by Bruce McCulloch
transcribed by Tlyco@aol.com

Host: Yes caller, go ahead.

Caller: Um. Well, my point is, um, how come there are so many lonely people?

Host: Um, I-I don’t understand.

Caller: Well, okay. It’s like-like a dance, right? Life’s like a dance.

Host: Sure, that’s what the Country songs say.

Caller: Um, and w-why don’t those lonely people just pair up? W-why don’t they just get together? Like, I have a boyfriend? And he likes to watch basketball maybe too much, but we have a lovely time. And w-we’re, we love each other. And, we’re not lonely. And, I think all those uh, lonely people should just pair up. They should just, uh, get together. Cuz like at a dance, if you’re a wallflower, you shouldn’t be, you know?

Host: Well then maybe it should be sort of like at a dance, where you can go up to someone and say, “I see you and your wife cuddling in bed, may I cut in?”

Caller: Well, I-I don’t know about that.

Host: Or maybe, “Uh, excuse me, do you mind if I cut in and open Christmas gifts with your family for a while?”

Caller: I don’t know about that, well—

Host: Or maybe, “Uh, excuse me, are you walking down the aisle? May-may I step in and marry that bride that you’ve selected?”

Caller: Uh. Well anyway, I’m not lonely. And to all those lonely people out there, and there’s sure a lot of them who listen to the radio, uh, pair up!

shout out to iTunes for putting linda rondstat on a slipknot genius playlist